Prior to May 4th 2014, the most significant cultural discovery this century was unanimously agreed to be True American, an uplifting social adventure and opportunity for quenching one's thirst made popular by the characters of new girl.
As a sign of respect to those great cultural visionaries across the pond, and in celebration of the fantastic patriotic British national festival The May Bank Holiday, my friends and I played the inaugural game of our own turbo-charged version - TRUE BRIT.
Should you wish to stage your own game, I would first recommend consulting a psychiatrist and physician and checking what went so wrong with you life. After that, come back and use these rules. The rules below are currently draft, scribbled down so no-one forgets (It's been a heavy weekend - that's a real possibility). Credit for the game and the associated trademarks belongs to the South London Gentlemen's Cards Club
As a sign of respect to those great cultural visionaries across the pond, and in celebration of the fantastic patriotic British national festival The May Bank Holiday, my friends and I played the inaugural game of our own turbo-charged version - TRUE BRIT.
Should you wish to stage your own game, I would first recommend consulting a psychiatrist and physician and checking what went so wrong with you life. After that, come back and use these rules. The rules below are currently draft, scribbled down so no-one forgets (It's been a heavy weekend - that's a real possibility). Credit for the game and the associated trademarks belongs to the South London Gentlemen's Cards Club
The Aim of the Game
The "official" winning team is the first duo to successfully navigate their way through the harsh terrain of the croquet course and deliver their croquet balls to Buckingham Palace as presents for new royal baby Prince George.... however everyone who plays True Brit is a winner,
Setting Up
Apparatus required:
1 Croquet Set with 6 balls.
Yourself and 5 friends.
Lots of Booze.
Set up a croquet course in the traditional manner. Pick teams in the True American style by counting to three and sticking between 1 and 5 fingers on your forehead. Anyone who matches becomes a team of 2. Keep going until three teams of 2 are sorted. Set up Buckingham Palace by the stake, consisting of 4 open cans on a tray as per the picture.
Apparatus required:
1 Croquet Set with 6 balls.
Yourself and 5 friends.
Lots of Booze.
Set up a croquet course in the traditional manner. Pick teams in the True American style by counting to three and sticking between 1 and 5 fingers on your forehead. Anyone who matches becomes a team of 2. Keep going until three teams of 2 are sorted. Set up Buckingham Palace by the stake, consisting of 4 open cans on a tray as per the picture.
How to Play
Players take their goes in alphabetical order. Gameplay follows the (potentially) standard croquet rules whereby each player takes their go in turn. Once through a hoop a player gets another go. If a player hits another players ball they can "roquet" (?) them by putting their ball next the victim smacking it, and then taking another shot, Each player only gains one roquet per hoop and they can't be saved up. Anyone roquet-ed into the stake goes back to the start.
Key Rules
So far this is probably standard croquet. Now here's where things get less civilised....
The beautiful cultural art of the game really stems from the challenges of the green. These are detailed as follows:
Hoop 1: When any player goes though the first hoop she must shout "David Lloyd George", to which everyone replies "Clement Attlee!". Everyone drinks.
Hoop 2: When any player goes through the second hoop he or she shouts "Empire" and counts to three. After three all other players must reply with a former British colony or overseas territory. The responses are then reviewed - anyone who says one that is the same as someone else, one that has already been used, or something that is just frankly ridiculous drinks.
Hoop 3: For King and Country. When a player goes through the hoop he shouts "For King and Country". Everyone then legs it to Buckingham Palace and tries to drink one of the royal family. The two players that don't manage to drink a member of the royal family have to finish their drinks. If anyone accidentally beheads a member of the royal family (knocks them over) then they must do shots. When the last player goes through hoop 3, the final two "losers" must finish a member of the royal family of their choice.
Hoop 4: The fingerhead game. Like choosing teams at the start, the player counts to three and everyone puts a number of fingers on their head. Anyone who matches someone else drinks.
Hoop 5: Miners on Strike. When a player goes through hoop 5 they must perform a few lines of random dialogue in a Geordie accent. They can then go up to anyone else's ball and smack it in any direction.
Hoop 6: Wheelbarrow race. Players switch over at the half-way point. Losing team finish their drinks.
Players take their goes in alphabetical order. Gameplay follows the (potentially) standard croquet rules whereby each player takes their go in turn. Once through a hoop a player gets another go. If a player hits another players ball they can "roquet" (?) them by putting their ball next the victim smacking it, and then taking another shot, Each player only gains one roquet per hoop and they can't be saved up. Anyone roquet-ed into the stake goes back to the start.
Key Rules
So far this is probably standard croquet. Now here's where things get less civilised....
- Contestants must have a drink within a metre of them at all times. Anyone who doesn't is liable for shots.
- When the first player goes through a hoop (i.e. Hoop 4) he adds drink to the communal cup. Every subsequent player to go through adds to the King's cup. The first person to go through the next hoop (i.e. Hoop 5) finishes the cup, and starts it anew for that hoop.
- Every time a player passes through a hoop they drink two fingers.
The beautiful cultural art of the game really stems from the challenges of the green. These are detailed as follows:
Hoop 1: When any player goes though the first hoop she must shout "David Lloyd George", to which everyone replies "Clement Attlee!". Everyone drinks.
Hoop 2: When any player goes through the second hoop he or she shouts "Empire" and counts to three. After three all other players must reply with a former British colony or overseas territory. The responses are then reviewed - anyone who says one that is the same as someone else, one that has already been used, or something that is just frankly ridiculous drinks.
Hoop 3: For King and Country. When a player goes through the hoop he shouts "For King and Country". Everyone then legs it to Buckingham Palace and tries to drink one of the royal family. The two players that don't manage to drink a member of the royal family have to finish their drinks. If anyone accidentally beheads a member of the royal family (knocks them over) then they must do shots. When the last player goes through hoop 3, the final two "losers" must finish a member of the royal family of their choice.
Hoop 4: The fingerhead game. Like choosing teams at the start, the player counts to three and everyone puts a number of fingers on their head. Anyone who matches someone else drinks.
Hoop 5: Miners on Strike. When a player goes through hoop 5 they must perform a few lines of random dialogue in a Geordie accent. They can then go up to anyone else's ball and smack it in any direction.
Hoop 6: Wheelbarrow race. Players switch over at the half-way point. Losing team finish their drinks.